This week, as it is every year, for the past twenty years, is, and always has been, an emotional time for me.
The day - Saturday; the date - April 7th; the year, 1990. I was a freshman at Waldorf College in Forest City, IA, about two hours from Windom. It was our Easter break and I came home Friday, after classes were done. I was looking forward to begin home, spending some time with my friends and my boyfriend at the time. I was out for a little bit Friday night, ran into Billy (Rachel's boyfriend) and asked him where Rachel was. He wasn't sure where she was. They were not exactly getting along, actually on the verge of breaking up after being together for two years. I left it at that and figured I'd catch up with her tomorrow.
Saturday, April 7th, 1990 was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining and not a cloud in the sky. I slept in that morning, but around 9:15am I awoke to the sirens on emergency vehicles rushing through town. I went back to sleep for a little bit longer and then got up around 10a. Around 1pm I was driving around town and on my way to see Rachel. I passed my brother, mom, and another friend Kim (she was another best friend with Rachel) in a vehicle my brother was driving. Of course we all waved to each other as we passed on the road. I'm now at a stoplight (one of only two in our town) and turn left to up the hill to Rachel's. Now two people were sitting outside her place. I drove into the driveway so I could turn around and park the car in front of their place. I noticed Billy's car in the driveway and didn't really think anything of it. As I'm walking up to their place I ask them if Rachel is home. They give me a funny look and say "haven't you heard?", "heard what" I said, "Rachel's dead". I couldn't even begin to tell you the emotions going through me right then and there. I rushed into the house and there were some of our friends and Billy crying. I was in shock and in tears. Billy said she committed suicide with the use of his car in the garage that night/morning. She had her dog with her.
The sirens I heard at 9:15am that day was the ambulance rushing my best friend to the hospital, trying to save her life.
I called home to tell my parents what happened. I was crying so much it was hard to breath let alone have a conversation with someone. My mom, brother, and Kim were not home yet when I called so I talked with my dad. I did and somehow I made it back home in spite of the waterfalls in my eyes. Kim was there and we just held each other balling, almost uncontrollably. My mom and brother joined in.
Here we are at the 20-year mark. Tomorrow will be my parent's anniversary, but it will also be the day we buried Rachel 20 years ago. I didn't remember my parent's anniversary that year, but they certainly understood why.
That day forever changed parts of me. To loose your best friend when you are 18, her 19, and to suicide is absolutely heartbreaking!
Billy couldn't bear to bring himself to drive his car back into the garage, so I did, I sat in the very seat my best friend sat in just a few days prior and took her last breath in.
I think from time to time, all the things Rachel is missing out on; the internet, ipods, computers, cell phones, CD's and so much more like having a family and children. Life does go on, but even though time passes, it will always feel like yesterday when I lost my best friend. I miss her!
