Stormy Weather

As it seems with most of my nights, I'm not sleeping.  Today wasn't a bad day per se, but there were many things I never expected, have happen, moments where I found myself struggling to be a part of it.  And I'm still struggling.

About an hour ago I saw flashes of light through the window, and shortly thereafter I heard the thunder, so I peaked outside and saw the downpour of rain.  The lightning was virtually constant!  The only thing I could think about was how perfect this was for my life right now!  And then the tears just flowed out like the rain falling onto the ground.  I just watched and listened through my tears as the storm passed by,

Then I began thinking about how God brought these storms to us, each show of lightning, every sound of thunder, every drop of water was a gift from him.  We all have storms in our lives that we go through, live through, and pick up from.  Some are more severe than others, doing more damage and requiring more healing than others, but we all have them.  It's really tough to see and feel positive when weathering a storm, when it gets so bad and sometimes scary, but in this storm I thought about the rain and how it nourishes the ground.  The water helps the grass to grow, crops to grow, rivers and lakes to flourish.  So in all the bad there was something good.

And generally speaking after every storm there comes a time when the clouds disappear, the sun shines again and sometimes you see a rainbow.  I don't necessarily feel that part just yet.  I'm still very much in the stormy part, struggling to see the good and feel the blessings.  I am praying however, for God to show me the way, to guide me through these storms, to give me the strength and the confidence to get through them.  I just need to shut my eyes and let him lead the way!

Let Go and Let God!

Ups n Downs

Wow, what a roller coaster of a day!  My day began with an early wake up call to go strawberry picking over in Heron Lake to Schumacher's Nursery & Berry Farm Inc.  It was 6am when my alarm went off.  I pushed the snooze a few times as it goes off every five minutes.  After about four reminders I pushed myself out of bed to get moving, trying to get my daughter up at the same time.  Neither one of us are morning people so you can imagine the chore it was to get our butts moving along.  But, we did and we couldn't have asked for a better morning out, although we could feel the temperature rise as we finished loading our buckets.  So here are some pictures of those beautiful delicious red strawberries we picked today:

There were some really pretty ones out there, nice and shiny red, bright red, deep red, just about every color red you could imagine!  The last time I went strawberry picking I was probably my daughter's age, 13, and I was with my mom, just as she was with me today, so kind of a flashback in time moment for me.

Then it was back to the house to take care of the precious fruits and after that it was off to help my mother.  This time my daughter tagged along as my mother had some projects she could help with.  I took care of some personal things before I dug into her work and then at 4:40pm I decided I should check my bank balance because I needed to get paying on some bills that are due.

I just about lost my breath when I saw the negative $203 balance on my account, knowing that I didn't spend $400!  I quickly turned to my itemized list of expenses when I saw $387.00 withdrawn from Sirius/XM Radio on July 5th.  The irritating part is I usually check my bank account and balance everyday, even on Sunday's, but missed a few days this week.  Oh boy did I go into panic mode and anxiety!  I called the radio company and was very frank with them in my disgust.  There was no notice, no reminder of any kind that this was coming due, nor the amount that would be taken out.  So I cancelled my satellite radio and should have a full refund within 2-7 business days and also recorded the fax # to send information to them to cover my overdraft charges incurred because of their huge withdrawal.  I sure hope they cover them.  I'm gonna be an unhappy camper if they don't.

Thank God for parents, who are helping me in the interim!  I seriously don't know what I would do without them in my life!

Oh, I also got my glasses tightened at the eye doctor here in Windom today too!  They feel much better on my face now!

And then there's still the drama with the soon-to-be ex husband who continues to share his wonderful opinions on me and my life!

So I will end with a song from a fellow who talks about God and what he has to give.  This song fits several people in my life right now.  I'll also put the lyrics below the video.  The song title: "God gave me You"!

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com 
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.

Till next time!

Depression

Today began with me being depressed about life.  I have no job, I have no money, I have no marriage, I miss my boys, I miss my Daisy, I have no place to live, and life just seems pretty low right now.  I'm living out of a suitcase at my parents house.  There are a lot of forms to fill out when filing for a divorce.  I would prefer to get this done on my own without a lawyer simply because I have NO money!  I quite literally could find something wrong with anything and everything today it seems like.

I've been helping my mother out a bit down at her office.  She has her own counseling business and is a Licensed Psychologist.  So having your own psychologist comes in handy from time to time, but then there are other times when you wish it wasn't so psychological, if you know what I mean, but she's a great therapist and a great mom.  Anyway, in all my wonderful misery today, a person walked in wanting to speak to someone about their depression.  I sat and listened for a bit to them talking.  I found myself lighting up a bit wanting to make them see their life is worth living and that life doesn't always suck!

This person left and planned to return when my mother was available.  I began looking at my own life, trying to find the happiness within it, the reason to continue moving forward.  I found a few things bringing light into my world, one of which are my children, my family, and my puppies.  It's just really hard to find happiness when you feel like nothing goes right in your life and the only place you seem to be moving is down.

So then comes God and the beautiful phrases we hear so frequently:  Let Go and Let God, This too shall pass, and my favorite - the Serentity Prayer.


God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

In looking at serenity prayers however, I came across this one that went further than the one we all know and say to ourselves.  Here it is and I hope you enjoyed the words as much as I did!

I'm Moving On

This song by Rascal Flatts fits so perfectly with my journey in life right now that I had to post the lyrics and the video both so you can all understand what I'm feeling and going through.

"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Till next time!