So in an effort to continue blogging I'm writing to you this afternoon from Runnings Fleet and Farm supply store in Windom, MN. I am on my lunch break of course. You can't have a laptop and blog from the cash register while you are working, at least not yet anyway!
I started Runnings about two weeks ago, so I actually had three jobs with Hy-Vee and Country-Pride also. I have chosen to continue working at both places, so I will still have three jobs. Runnings will be FT, Country-Pride and Hy-Vee PT, however Hy-Vee will be like as-needed. I'm not on the schedule there. Country-Pride has agreed to work with me and schedule me around my hours here, which is really nice, I'm glad they were so flexible because I kinda wanted to keep a part-time job with the FT one. I'm kinda behind on some bills so any kind of extra money helps!
This past week though has been a challenge. Starting last Friday I have been working like 13 - 14 hour days between all the jobs. So right now I am on day 5 and have one more day left of these hours. Thursday I work 8-4 and Friday 8am-2pm, then I have all day Saturday and all day Sunday off! I'm excited about that!
My boys come this weekend too so it will be extra super special to have the entire time to spend with them!!!!! Something I have not been able to do in a very long long time!!!! Saturday we have plans to go up to the cities and spend some time with some friends from Waldorf and their families. Way excited about that too!!!!
I'll have to blog another time about my Waldorf weekend a few weekends ago. It was our 20-year reunion and I had so much fun. Waldorf is such a special place!
But I should get going as lunch break is almost done.
It's been forever, once again, since my last entry. Even though they may be short I need to still blog. I really enjoy blogging.
So recently I found myself stewing over something I have no control over. And tonight while surfing the tv channels I got my answer from God on what I needed to do with it.
I came across Joel Osteen's program and his message was about letting go. Here is part of his message:
This is the information from This Week’s Message page about today’s broadcast titled The Power of Letting Go by Joel Osteen:
We all go through disappointments, setbacks and things we don’t understand. Maybe you prayed for a loved one, but they didn’t get well. Or maybe you worked hard for a promotion, but you didn’t get it. You stood in faith for a relationship, but it didn’t work out. One of the best things you can do is release it and let it go. If you go around dwelling on it, wondering why this didn’t work out, why my loved one didn’t get healed, why I didn’t get that promotion, all that’s going to do is lead to bitterness, resentment and self-pity. Before long you’ll be blaming others, yourself, and maybe even God. You may not have understood it. It may not have been fair. But when you release it, it’s an act of your faith. You’re saying, “God, I trust You; I know You’re in control. And even though it didn’t work out my way, You said that all things are going to work together for my good. So I believe You still have something good in my future.”
Proverbs 20:24 says, “Since the Lord is directing our steps, why do we try to figure out everything that happens along the way?” God has you in the palm of His hand. He is directing you every step of the way. That disappointment may not have been fair, but it’s all a part of your divine destiny. If you will let it go and move forward, then you’re going to come into something awesome that God is about to do; not ordinary like you had planned, but extraordinary like God has planned.
So I have given my frustrations to God and am letting them go!!!! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding!
Way too long since my last post! So have I been lazy or just that busy? Well, one could say both, depending on how you looked at it. I have certainly had a few down times, however I have mostly been busy, going here and there, moving, working, settling in to my new life, etc, etc, etc.
I turned the big 4 0, 40 on July 22nd. Didn't do a whole lot, the kids and I spent the day and evening with some friends in the cities and went to some stock car races. I think the kids really liked them. They did run late so naturally the kids were getting a bit cranky and ready to leave by the time it was all said and done.
I'm still moving things into my parents house, now home to my daughter and I. It's not so easy trying to settle into someone else's home, let alone trying to have a life when you live with your parents, when you are 40. I take it day by day though, it's an adjustment for everyone. But, you know, it really feels quirky when you have to ask your mother and father if your daughter can have friends over! That I am not used to, and not sure if I like it, but it is their house and we need to respect that. If I were not here I am not sure where I would be.
My puppy Daisy seems fixed on a fly right now, can't take her eyes off of it. It's funny cause she's falling asleep looking at it.
So, here I am, struggling just to get by, wondering when the divorce will be signed so life can go on? Thank God for family and thank God for friends!
As it seems with most of my nights, I'm not sleeping. Today wasn't a bad day per se, but there were many things I never expected, have happen, moments where I found myself struggling to be a part of it. And I'm still struggling.
About an hour ago I saw flashes of light through the window, and shortly thereafter I heard the thunder, so I peaked outside and saw the downpour of rain. The lightning was virtually constant! The only thing I could think about was how perfect this was for my life right now! And then the tears just flowed out like the rain falling onto the ground. I just watched and listened through my tears as the storm passed by,
Then I began thinking about how God brought these storms to us, each show of lightning, every sound of thunder, every drop of water was a gift from him. We all have storms in our lives that we go through, live through, and pick up from. Some are more severe than others, doing more damage and requiring more healing than others, but we all have them. It's really tough to see and feel positive when weathering a storm, when it gets so bad and sometimes scary, but in this storm I thought about the rain and how it nourishes the ground. The water helps the grass to grow, crops to grow, rivers and lakes to flourish. So in all the bad there was something good.
And generally speaking after every storm there comes a time when the clouds disappear, the sun shines again and sometimes you see a rainbow. I don't necessarily feel that part just yet. I'm still very much in the stormy part, struggling to see the good and feel the blessings. I am praying however, for God to show me the way, to guide me through these storms, to give me the strength and the confidence to get through them. I just need to shut my eyes and let him lead the way!
Wow, what a roller coaster of a day! My day began with an early wake up call to go strawberry picking over in Heron Lake to Schumacher's Nursery & Berry Farm Inc. It was 6am when my alarm went off. I pushed the snooze a few times as it goes off every five minutes. After about four reminders I pushed myself out of bed to get moving, trying to get my daughter up at the same time. Neither one of us are morning people so you can imagine the chore it was to get our butts moving along. But, we did and we couldn't have asked for a better morning out, although we could feel the temperature rise as we finished loading our buckets. So here are some pictures of those beautiful delicious red strawberries we picked today:
There were some really pretty ones out there, nice and shiny red, bright red, deep red, just about every color red you could imagine! The last time I went strawberry picking I was probably my daughter's age, 13, and I was with my mom, just as she was with me today, so kind of a flashback in time moment for me.
Then it was back to the house to take care of the precious fruits and after that it was off to help my mother. This time my daughter tagged along as my mother had some projects she could help with. I took care of some personal things before I dug into her work and then at 4:40pm I decided I should check my bank balance because I needed to get paying on some bills that are due.
I just about lost my breath when I saw the negative $203 balance on my account, knowing that I didn't spend $400! I quickly turned to my itemized list of expenses when I saw $387.00 withdrawn from Sirius/XM Radio on July 5th. The irritating part is I usually check my bank account and balance everyday, even on Sunday's, but missed a few days this week. Oh boy did I go into panic mode and anxiety! I called the radio company and was very frank with them in my disgust. There was no notice, no reminder of any kind that this was coming due, nor the amount that would be taken out. So I cancelled my satellite radio and should have a full refund within 2-7 business days and also recorded the fax # to send information to them to cover my overdraft charges incurred because of their huge withdrawal. I sure hope they cover them. I'm gonna be an unhappy camper if they don't.
Thank God for parents, who are helping me in the interim! I seriously don't know what I would do without them in my life!
Oh, I also got my glasses tightened at the eye doctor here in Windom today too! They feel much better on my face now!
And then there's still the drama with the soon-to-be ex husband who continues to share his wonderful opinions on me and my life!
So I will end with a song from a fellow who talks about God and what he has to give. This song fits several people in my life right now. I'll also put the lyrics below the video. The song title: "God gave me You"!
I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be
But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.
Today began with me being depressed about life. I have no job, I have no money, I have no marriage, I miss my boys, I miss my Daisy, I have no place to live, and life just seems pretty low right now. I'm living out of a suitcase at my parents house. There are a lot of forms to fill out when filing for a divorce. I would prefer to get this done on my own without a lawyer simply because I have NO money! I quite literally could find something wrong with anything and everything today it seems like.
I've been helping my mother out a bit down at her office. She has her own counseling business and is a Licensed Psychologist. So having your own psychologist comes in handy from time to time, but then there are other times when you wish it wasn't so psychological, if you know what I mean, but she's a great therapist and a great mom. Anyway, in all my wonderful misery today, a person walked in wanting to speak to someone about their depression. I sat and listened for a bit to them talking. I found myself lighting up a bit wanting to make them see their life is worth living and that life doesn't always suck!
This person left and planned to return when my mother was available. I began looking at my own life, trying to find the happiness within it, the reason to continue moving forward. I found a few things bringing light into my world, one of which are my children, my family, and my puppies. It's just really hard to find happiness when you feel like nothing goes right in your life and the only place you seem to be moving is down.
So then comes God and the beautiful phrases we hear so frequently: Let Go and Let God, This too shall pass, and my favorite - the Serentity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
In looking at serenity prayers however, I came across this one that went further than the one we all know and say to ourselves. Here it is and I hope you enjoyed the words as much as I did!
